


In His Eyes

by funnygirlthatbelle13



Series: Helpless [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, F/M, Feeblemind Spell, Non-lip Kisses, Pining, Rest of the Nein Feature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23146609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funnygirlthatbelle13/pseuds/funnygirlthatbelle13
Summary: Caleb gets hit with a Feeblemind spell and becomes extremely attached to a crushing Jester. She tries to find a balance between taking care of him, hiding her feelings, and enjoying the suddenly cuddly Caleb by her side.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Caduceus Clay, Jester Lavorre & Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre& Artagan, Jester Lavorre& Orly Skiffback, Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast, Nott & Caleb Widogast, Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast
Series: Helpless [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636885
Comments: 27
Kudos: 240





	In His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! So I know it’s been a bit, but I was at C2E2 and then had midterms and yesterday was my 21st birthday! Hopefully, this is worth the wait!

They had known after the sea spawn attack that Uk’otoa wasn’t going to be done with them. So it hadn’t completely caught them by surprise when another warlock of Uk’otoa had come crashing onto the deck of The Balleater. What had been a surprise had been that the new lady was also a powerful wizard in her own right. Still, their fight on The Balleater had been going pretty well. Caduceus’ bane had made hitting her a bit easier. And they had all been doing their best to make the most of the opportunity to stun and hit her while keeping Fjord as far back as possible.

As Jester ran to get a better angle at her, she saw a trail of fire racing along the deck, erupting into a giant column of flame surrounding this weird warlock lady now screaming in pain.

“Fuck you!” she cried, pointing her wand at Caleb. 

At first, nothing seemed to happen. Caleb stumbled back a step or two and clutched his head, but that was it. The rest of them continued to run around casting spells before Jester noticed the way Caleb was just standing there, stiff, as if he wasn’t quite there.

It must have been the fire, she reasoned, or an illusion that made the fire worse than what it actually was. 

So when he began running directly towards her, Jester couldn’t help but be confused. Her confusion did not lessen when he launched himself into her arms full force, his body shaking with quiet sobs. Something was very, very wrong. Caleb never came running for help when he was hurting. And he almost never cried. 

She glanced around to the rest of their friends, all of whom were preoccupied with the fight. Shit. This was so bad. 

“Let’s get out of here, okay, Caleb?” she asked nervously. 

Nothing.

“Okay, here we go!”

She cast dimension door on the both of them, teleporting them into the kitchen of The Balleater.

“Caleb, are you okay? What’s going on?” she asked frantically.

There was no sign that Caleb could even hear her except for maybe his trembling. Jester pulled away, barely suppressing her gasp.

“Caleb?” she squeaked out. 

He stared at her, those beautiful blue eyes always aflame with that spark of intellect completely empty except for his tears. There was fear in his eyes, but nothing else.

“M-m-might I ask what’s going on in here?” 

Orly was standing in the doorway, watching them with concern in his eye. 

“Oh, Orly, that crazy lady cast some sort of spell on Caleb and now he’s acting super weird!” 

Orly nodded.

“Mhm,” he mumbled, “M-m-mister Caleb, m-m-mind if I take a look?” 

Caleb did not respond at all, simply staring at Orly.

“Maybe he forgot how to speak Common?” Jester suggested. Orly shrugged. 

“Wie geht es dir?” he asked. 

Nothing. 

“How about we sit down?” she offered, gently guiding him into a seat. 

Orly approached, tilting Caleb’s head in various ways.

“Hm,” he mumbled, “Hm, that’s m-m-mighty interesting.”

“Do you know what’s wrong?” she asked, leaning forward from her spot sitting on the table. 

“I m-m-might have an idea,” he said, “I believe he has been feeblem-m-minded.”

Feebleminded? What the fuck did that mean? 

Orly must have sensed her confusion as he chuckled sadly.

“It’s a very powerful spell that destroys- it m-m-makes you lose your m-m-mind.” 

Jester felt her heart plummet into her stomach.

“You mean, he’s gone crazy?” she asked, barely suppressing the again at the end of her question.

Orly shook his head.

“Not crazy,” he explained, “Just… not present of m-m-mind, if you know what I’m saying.” 

She glanced over at Caleb, who was staring at Orly blankly. 

“So, he’s just… really dumb?” she asked, “Like, moth dumb?”

“I have never gotten to m-m-measure a m-m-moth’s intelligence,” Orly commented. 

Caleb whined, forcing his head into her lap. Jester felt her heart begin to ache as she ran her fingers through his hair. She had often wished for him to get out of his own head. But not like this, never like this. 

“Oh, Caleb,” she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss into his hair. She knew just as well as the rest of them how important Caleb’s intelligence was to him in particular.

Orly smiled at her, nodding his head

“He’s m-m-mighty lucky to have someone who cares so m-m-much,” he commented.

Jester frowned, looking down into her lap at Caleb, who was nestled into her skirt. She kept running her fingers through his hair.

“Caring doesn’t matter if I can’t make it better,” she mumbled.

Orly frowned as he made his way around the table, sitting down directly across from them. 

“Now, I don’t believe that’s true,” he mused, “When a person truly cares about someone, they can m-m-move hell or high water for that person.”

She continued staring at Caleb trembling in her lap, trying to fight her feelings of fear and inadequacy that were rising in her throat. Caleb was counting on her to fix this for him. She couldn’t mess up, not again. She needed to be a good cleric, the cleric that Caleb thought she was. 

Jester risked a glance up at Orly, who was watching her with a strange, sad smile on his face. 

“You remind m-m-me of someone I knew a long time ago,” he said, and Jester couldn’t help but feel like she was being let in on a huge secret, “Same smile, same heart. If you’re half as m-m-much like her as I think, he’ll be just fine.”

“Thanks, Orly,” she whispered, smiling despite herself. Their tortle friend always seemed to have that effect on her. 

“Of course,” he said, “I’ll leave you to work on a plan.”

He maneuvered around the table, patting her on the shoulder as he left.

“You’ll figure something out,” he assured her as he left.

“I hope so,” she whispered, staring at the back of Caleb’s head. 

A sad sigh escaped her lips as she ran her fingers through his hair. She had no idea how much, or even if, it was helping but she’d seen Nott- no, Veth do it before. 

“Jester? Caleb? Where are you guys?” Beau called.

Caleb jumped in her lap, looking around wildly.

“Sh, sh, it’s okay,” she whispered soothingly, “We’re in here!” 

Several sets of footsteps began rushing towards the kitchen before the rest of the Nein made their way into the kitchen, different amounts of fear and panic in their eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“Are you guys okay?”

“Orly said something had happened?”

“What the fuck was that for?”

“Caleb, are you crying?”

Jester glanced between the rest of the Nein and Caleb who,for his part, seemed to bury himself even further into her skirts. Jester sighed. This was not going to be fun. 

“So… Caleb got feebleminded,” she said, trying to sound calm despite how bad this whole situation was.

“I’ve heard of that,” Beau said, her brow furrowed, “It’s a spell that just… gets rid of your intellect.”

The change in atmosphere was palpable, as everyone turned somber and silent. Eventually, Veth approached, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Caleb?” she said in all but a whisper, “Caleb, are you in there?” 

He responded to the touch, at least, staring at his best friend with puffy, fearful eyes soaking her in.

“Oh, Cay,” Veth whispered fondly, placing a hand on his cheek, “You poor thing.”

Caleb whined slightly, rubbing his head against her hand like a cat demanding to be pet. It might have been funny if the situation weren’t so serious.

“He’s very cuddly,” Jester mumbled.

“Do we know how to fix this?” Fjord asked. 

“I think it’s just a greater restoration,” Beau said, tugging on her diadem, “Oh shit, am I the smart one?”

A wave of nausea crashed over her. Of course she hadn’t prepared that spell today. She had been debating about preparing a restoration, that it might come in handy, but had chosen spirit guardians instead. 

“I didn’t prepare that today,” she whispered, wincing. 

“I didn’t either,” Caduceus said. 

Oh no. Poor Caleb, she thought as she watched him settle back into her lap, staring out at the others. It was bad enough that this was happening to him at all. But now he had to wait even longer for a solution. 

“Why don’t we turn in early?” Yasha suggested from her position in the corner, “The crew can take care of the ship, and we’re all kind of beat up.”

Jester glanced around at everyone, only now really looking for injuries. Beau and Yasha had large acid splashes across their faces and arms that looked pretty nasty. Caduceus had a gash across his forehead that definitely would have needed stitches if they weren’t both clerics. Veth didn’t look hurt, but Jester saw how shallowly she was breathing. And Fjord, poor Fjord looked like she’d been throwing every highly damaging spell in her arsenal at him. 

“Jester,” Veth said evenly, “Why don’t you have Caleb stay with you, since he seems so attached right now.”

Despite the calm demeanor, Jester heard the underlying meaning. Keep him safe. Make sure his pride isn’t wounded too bad. 

“Okay,” she mumbled, feeling the blood rushing to her cheeks and hoping that the others couldn’t tell. Caduceus probably could, but that was okay. He already knew. 

It took several minutes of convincing to get Caleb to stand up and leave the kitchen. And even now as she led him by the hand back to her room, all she could think of was how the hand holding hers wasn’t right. All his scars and calluses and freckles were in the right places, but without the hesitation and gentleness, the hand didn’t feel like the same hand she’d held so many times before. He was holding onto her for dear life now, and it took all of her willpower not to cry at the thought of how scared he must be. 

“Okay, here we are!” she said, plastering on a fake smile as she led him into her room. It was tiny, tiny enough that squeezing the both of them in there was uncomfortable, but at least it was safe and private. 

Immediately, Caleb clambered up onto the bed, making himself as small as possible while still being able to see the door. 

“Me too, Caleb,” she said with a sigh, “Me too.” 

Dropping her haversack with a thud, Jester set to work looking for one of her nightgowns. Luckily, a plain purple one was close to the top. 

Would Caleb be more comfortable in his pajamas? They were a more recent acquisition, having only been bought on their most recent visit to Rosohna, but he seemed happy with the purchase. 

“Nott-I mean, Veth, can you please bring over Caleb’s pajamas? I want him to be comfortable.”

“Sure, I’ll be over in just a minute. You can’t respond to this message.”

Nodding, she turned back to Caleb, who was staring at her, his eyes showing nothing but fear.

“We’re gonna be so comfortable,” she said, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt, “It’ll be like a sleepover!”

He cocked his head slightly, but otherwise gave no indication that he’d even heard her. Jester sighed. 

There was a knock on the door, and Caleb’s head shot around like a cat’s. 

“It’s me!” Veth called, and he relaxed slightly. Jester opened the door. 

“Hi,” she said breathlessly. 

“Hi,” Veth responded. There was a smile on her face, but Jester could see the stress behind her eyes. “Is he-“

“The same.” 

Veth poked her head through the door, waving at Caleb. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. 

Jester frowned. Maybe Caleb should be with Veth, his best friend in the whole world. She was just the friend who was secretly in love with him. 

“You’re fine,” Veth assured her, “Here, just get cozy and relax.” 

She handed over the purple and grey flannel pajamas. 

“Bye, have fun you two,” she said with a smile before walking down the hall.

Jester turned back around to Caleb with a smile on her face. 

“Let’s see if you know what to do with this,” she said, placing the pajamas on the bed in front of him, “And I’m going to get changed.”

Jester stripped quickly, tossing her day clothes back into the haversack. She slipped the purple, square necked nightgown on before grabbing her white spa robe. 

She turned back to Caleb, who hadn’t moved an inch since she’d last checked on him. He was staring at his pajamas, a finger tracing the stripes. 

“You want to put them on?” she asked. Sure, logically she knew that he couldn’t understand her. But he was still Caleb, and she couldn’t imagine not at least trying to give him a chance to choose. 

“Okay, arms up!” she said with as much enthusiasm as possible, raising her arms above her head as she did so. He mirrored her, and her smile was real as she started to take his layers off. 

Coat and scarf and chainmail and tunic all came off, and Jester couldn’t stop herself from blushing as she was confronted with a shirtless Caleb. Sure, they had all gotten naked in front of each other before. But never quite this close, quite this bizarrely intimate. She could see all the places that had once been hollow and were starting to even now that Caleb had been eating regularly for a while now. Pulling the sleeves on, she did her best not to stare at his scars. She’d seen them before, of course. She’d seen them almost every day for months now. But there was something about seeing how many of them went up his entire arms that made her a little sick to her stomach.

“Oh, Caleb,” she whispered, as she buttoned the buttons of his shirt. As she reached the top, she froze when she reached his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes were staring at her with such intensity that she couldn’t help but blush. 

“Time for the pants,” she said in a sing-songy voice, kneeling on the ground beside the bed. 

Caleb’s boots were bigger than she had realized. One buckle was all that kept them from just falling off of him. Next, she slid off the dingy orange socks, leaving hairy ginger feet on the ground. 

Shit. She had to get the belt off before she could take off his pants. 

“Caleb, why do you wear so many layers? We’ve been doing this forever! No easy access at all.”

Not that there was anyone she could think of who he’d want to have easy access. Maybe Astrid. 

She unbuckled his belt, tossing it into a pile with the other things to be folded later before taking a deep breath. Pants time now. 

“Jester?” Caduceus' voice came from the other side of the door, “I made tea.”

“Come in!” she called, standing up. 

Caduceus entered holding a tray of tea and sandwiches. 

“Hey,” he said, “How is it-how are you holding up?” 

She glanced back at Caleb, who was watching them, leaning forward. 

“I-I don’t want to talk about it in front of him, Caduceus,” she mumbled. 

Caduceus smiled sadly. 

“Jester, he can’t understand what we’re saying.”

“I know, I just,” she sighed, “What if he remembers and then he understands?” 

“I don’t think that’s how memory works,” he said with a chuckle.

Jester frowned as she took a cup of tea. It was a fruity magenta blend that boosted her energy as she drank it. 

“Here you go, Mr. Caleb,” Caduceus said as he handed Caleb a cup. Much to her surprise, he drank it without prompting. 

“It’s weird seeing him like this,'' he commented.

“Ja,” she agreed, though she wasn’t really listening. She was too preoccupied watching as Caleb drank his tea. It was stupid that she couldn’t do anything to help him.

“You’re doing a great job, you know that, right?” Caduceus asked. 

Jester laughed, unable to mask her feelings right now.

“I’m doing great?” she asked humorlessly.

“Well, yeah,” Caduceus said, “Mr. Caleb trusts you even when he doesn’t know his own name. That’s pretty special.”

“He would trust all of us like this,” she protested, though she was much more focused on watching Caleb. He was slipping his pants off and grabbing the flannel ones. 

“Maybe,” Caduceus said evenly, “But he came to you.”

She smiled sadly in spite of herself. 

“Just think about it, okay?” 

Jester didn’t say anything, but nodded tightly.

“Goodnight, Jester.”

“Goodnight, Caduceus.”

She turned back to Caleb, who had managed to get the pajama pants on and was smiling at her. 

“Good job, Caleb!” she said encouragingly, sitting next to him on the bed, “Now we’re all ready for bed!”

He stared at her, confusion in his eyes. Jester sighed. It was still pretty early for them to be going to bed, so this was going to take a certain level of persuasion. Should she read to him? Tusk Love or Zemnian Nights might be fun, but would not being able to understand what was going on make him more upset? Probably. 

“Caleb, let’s get comfy,” she instructed, setting to work getting them both under the blankets and comfortable. Caleb laid next to her, his head resting on her chest as he stared up at her.

It means he trusts you, she reminded herself, even if it was a little freaky how much he was staring at her. 

“Do you think I’m a good cleric, Caleb?” she asked. 

Nothing, of course. Jester sighed and began to sing.

There weren’t a lot of songs in Infernal to begin with, and even fewer of them were very nice. So her momma had made sure to learn as many Infernal songs that weren’t about killing as she could find. This one in particular was about a big, beautiful tree and what happened to it over the course of a year. Her singing was okay, not worth money or anything but certainly not horrible, but as she began running her fingers through Caleb’s hair during the third verse, his eyes began to droop.

Smiling, she pressed another kiss into his hair before using thaumaturgy to turn out the lights. As the rise and fall of Caleb’s breathing slowed into something she recognized as a peaceful night’s rest, she barely made it to the end of the chorus before falling asleep.

****

When she woke up, she was immediately greeted by bright blue eyes staring down at her, smiling as she blinked into focus. The smile wasn’t right, too bright for it to really be Caleb, but it was better than yesterday’s pain and confusion, so she smiled nonetheless.

“Good morning, Cay-leb.” 

It was quick, so quick that she might have doubted her eyes had she not felt the tickle of stubble against her cheek as Caleb kissed it. 

She felt her face flush as she rolled over onto her side. Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Caleb had kissed her! She wanted to run up and down the deck of the ship screaming, she was so excited. 

He’s not himself, she reminded herself. It’s not really Caleb doing all these things. It doesn’t mean anything. 

But it’s Caleb when he’s an ape or a bat or an eagle. Why couldn’t it be Caleb now? 

Still blushing furiously, she got them both back into their day clothes, trying her best not to make things weirder. She’d never felt self-conscious about changing in front of her friends before, but something tugged at her stomach as she pulled the nightgown over her head. 

As she finished fastening her coat, there was a knock on the door. 

“Who is it?” she called. 

“It’s me!” Veth cried.

Jester slid across the room to open the door, revealing a smiling Veth on the other side. 

“Ready to go?” she asked.

“Not yet, I still have to prepare my spells for the day.” 

Veth nodded thoughtfully.

“Cay, do you want some breakfast? Caduceus made breakfast,” she said gently.

Caleb glanced between the two of them. Jester smiled at him as encouragingly as she could muster. Eventually, he made his way to Veth.

“I’ll be there soon,” she whispered into his ear.

Caleb stared at her, his eyes filled with something she couldn’t quite recognize, sweet and sad and so uniquely Caleb that nearly broke her heart.

“Let’s go get some breakfast,” Veth said, guiding him towards the kitchen. Jester watched them go for a few feet before closing the door. 

“Oh, Caleb,” she whispered with a sigh.

“Yes, it's a pity this had to happen to one of your friends I actually like.”

Jester couldn’t help but smile as she turned around and saw the Traveler standing behind her. A true in-person visit was always a treat these days.

“Hi,” she whispered, grinning. He chuckled and let the hood fall naturally to reveal the messy ginger hair and wild eyes. 

“Hello,” he greeted, and she felt that old familiar sense of warmth overtake her. “Yes, it’s a shame that something like this had to happen to the most entertaining of your friends. 

She didn’t mean to but she couldn’t help but pull a face at that comment. Entertaining? Caleb? The Traveler smiled.

“The Seeming prank is a touch repetitive, but it’s funny every single time.”

Jester giggled, remembering Fjord in his illusory bathrobe. Caleb was so sad most of the time, but he could still be pretty funny when he wanted to be.

“So what do we need to do to get him back to normal? Or, at least, normal for his miserable self.”

“Traveler,” she admonished. 

“Alright, alright,” he said, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender, “Can’t a sort of god have a little fun at the expense of his high priestess’ crush’s expense?” 

Jester felt her cheeks flushing and placed her hands on her face to cool it off. The Traveler smirked at her, but didn’t comment.

“So can I get some restoration spells or what?” 

He chuckled.

“Of course! And let’s not forget healing today, alright?” 

****

As soon as Jester entered the kitchen, all eyes turned to her. All of her friends were sitting around the table eating what looked like oatmeal. Or they had been, until she had walked in. 

How long had she been with the Traveler to make them all stare like that? 

“Hello, Jester,” Yasha said with a small, awkward wave, “Are you ready to do this?” 

Jester glanced at Caduceus nervously as a sick feeling grew inside of her. In all of her concern for getting Caleb better, she had forgotten that they only had the one diamond left. Which meant they’d need to use residuum. 

“How are we gonna do this?” she asked, hating how quiet and hesitant she sounded. 

“Oh shit, yeah, this is gonna be a problem,” Beau said, “I mean, I could stun him, but-“

The room erupted in protest.

“I was gonna say but I don’t want to use it except as a last resort! Geez!”

At this point, Caleb stood up and gave an unexpecting Beau a hug. She awkwardly patted his arm, staring at the rest of them with wide eyes. 

Suddenly, Jester was struck with an idea. Hopefully, the distraction would be enough for Caduceus to cast the restoration spell. 

“Cay-leb,” she said in the sweetest voice she could muster, “I have a surprise for you!”

He shuffled over, and took all of her willpower not to cry at how intently he was watching her. Intent, but still somehow so empty. She forced those thoughts out of her head and focused on being as charming as possible. 

“Look at this, isn’t it pretty?” she asked, pointing to a ring on her finger. It had been a gift to her mother from a suitor. It was made of silver that wrapped around like vines, meeting in the center to form a rose. And in the center of that rose was a beautiful fire opal.

She glanced up at Caleb, who was watching the light dance on the opal’s surface in wonder. A sad smile crept onto her face as she slid the ring off her finger. 

“Do you like it?” she asked. Of course he did. Even when he was himself, she had caught Caleb staring at the stone. Now, it was practically irresistible. 

A shadow fell over Caleb from behind as Caduceus came up from behind, residuum in hand. 

Just a few more seconds. 

“Here, let’s try it on you.” 

She took his hand in hers, noting the familiar warmth against her cool skin as she delicately slid the ring onto his finger. Jester watched him frantically as the green glow of Caduceus’ restoration came over the oblivious Caleb, who was still transfixed by the fire opal. 

The glow faded, and the change was instantaneous. The spark of intelligence was back in Caleb’s eyes, but with it came the familiar shadow of sadness. Caleb was blinking furiously, a frown on his face.

“Hey,” she whispered, taking his now trembling hand in her own, “How are you feeling?” 

Caleb looked up at her, and Jester could see where tears were threatening to form as he stared at her in horror. 

“I-I need to go,” he said with a shaky breath. It was wonderful to hear him speak, Jester thought, but that didn’t stop her from feeling horrible as Caleb got up and ran away.

What had she done wrong this time? 

****

Jester had agreed with the others to give Caleb space despite the voice in her head screaming to go check on him. But that had been during breakfast. It was dinner time now, and still, no one had seen or heard from him. 

“Caduceus, can we make a plate for him?” she asked, watching as the beans and rice were being gobbled up. 

“Yeah, that’s a nice idea,” Caduceus said, “We’ll make a plate for him, and you can send him a message so he knows there’s something here for him.” 

She nodded tightly, mumbling an excuse as she left the kitchen in favor of the deck. 

The cool sea breeze hit her, and Jester couldn’t help the sad smile that crossed her face. She strolled the deck, keeping an eye out for anything unusual. Eventually, she noticed a patch of orange mixed into the pillows lining the crows nest. Staring at it, she made the familiar motions to cast sending. 

“Hi, Caleb,” she said gently, “How are you feeling? We’re all a little worried about you.” She sighed, shaking her head. “Anyway, Caduceus set a plate aside for you for whenever you wanna come down.” 

Shit, there was more that she wanted to say. She cast the spell again. 

“I know that had to be pretty scary, but we’re here for you, okay? So if you want to talk about it or anything…” 

She waited for a moment, but no response came. Maybe he had fallen asleep up there?

Caleb’s head poked out from amongst the pillows, and Jester grinned and waved. From this distance, it was hard to read his expression, but what she could see was him holding something tightly in his hand before releasing it onto the deck. 

It was almost as if Caleb had cast slow on time itself, as she watched the glittering ring fall through the air. The fire opal in the center made yellow and orange light beams across the deck, but Jester felt no joy as she caught it in the palm of her hand. 

She stared at the piece of jewelry in her hand. And as the waves of the ocean crashed into The Balleater, so did the waves of worry in her mind. 

What did she do wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! If you did, please tell me so I know and can enjoy your enjoyment!!!


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